Specialized Super Heroes

I spend a fair amount of time wishing I was a super hero.  I guess flying and invisibility would be nice super powers to have, but I wish for something else: Super strength to lift more than 10 pounds on a consistent basis! Super speed to walk two blocks without pain! Super stamina to stay  awake past 8:30 p.m.! Also, I have a thing for capes. I imagine wearing a cape is like wearing a blanket — it would make me warm and cozy ALL THE TIME.

I’m tired of the limits from fibromyalgia. I’m tired of wishing I was a super hero. So I’ve decided to just BE one. In fact, I’m building an army of super heroes. And you’re totally invited. We don’t have to have the usual super powers (yawn): telekinesis, flight, or the freakish ability to wield one of the basic elements (although if I could, I would totally pick fire). Instead, we can have more, um, specialized super powers.

I know someone with IBS who can hold in her poo until she finds a bathroom. Seriously the willpower and muscle power this takes is astounding. She also happens to have the super powers of lifting heavy things and accidentally making good t-shirt slogans. She rocks. I know someone with Lupus who makes these seriously amazing Christmas ornaments. I have another fiend who suffers from depression yet is able to run around in public in her underwear (for a good cause) — also, she is good at naming cats. Someone else I know with fibromyalgia is able to show gratitude for the small and big things in life Every. Single. Day. Someone with SOD type II has not only the sharpest wit EVER but also the ability to make perfect flowers out of frosting. Despite my chronic illness, I am really good at lip-synching to ’80’s pop ballads. Also, I can get the damn riding boots on the knock-off “American Girl” dolls from Target. It’s TOTALLY a super power.

So, if you put us all together you have a poo-holding, heavy-lifting and t-shirt-slogan-making, craft-creating, underwear-running, gratitude-giving, wit-wieling-and-edible-flower-making, ’80’s-lip-synching F-O-R-C-E. That’s right: together we are A FORCE. Even The Hulk couldn’t take us.

WE NEED YOU! Come and join our army of Specialized Super Heroes. Chronic illness is not required . . . but awesomeness is. Tell us about your super powers in the comments. If you can’t think of one, I’ll help you find one. Because you do have a super power. I promise.

What’s your super power?

Move over, losers! There are some new super heroes in town! Also, I don't know who any of you in the front row are. But we could totally take you. (image from http://id.wallpapersus.com/marvel-comics-superheroes/)

Move over losers! there are some new super heroes in town! Also, I don’t know who any of you in the front row are. But we could totally take you. (image from http://id.wallpapersus.com/marvel-comics-superheroes/)


10 thoughts on “Specialized Super Heroes

  1. Niki

    Can you PLEASE come to Michigan to help me get the dang boots off Charlotte’s doll? Damn — that’s one good super power. Corey says my super power is spelling. I think it might be putting things in really safe places, because often those places are so safe that the object in question is NEVER FOUND AGAIN.

    1. joslyne Post author

      I think those are excellent super powers. I also have three more in mind for you: 1. keeping the family fish alive, 2. Saying “moron”. You say it the best of anyone I have ever met. 3. Um . . . SEWING. As evidenced here: http://roonieranching.blogspot.com/ Now we are a FORCE with good curtains, cute bags, and awesome clothes. xoxox

  2. Alicia King (@thegrieflady)

    Yeah, NIki. You are close to being over-powered. After all, there’s a delicious chicken dish NAMED AFTER YOU. Joslyne, you’re a super editor, supporter, cheerleader-without-the-backbiting, fun mom, adoring wife of the one you call “my hot husband”, and much more. I just love you, the way you write, and how you continue to beat back the crap fibro throws at you on the regular.

    1. joslyne Post author

      I was hoping you would comment because I want to assign more super powers to you! You can be the guitar-playing, song-writing, put-together-and-hot-looking-with-good-hair hero! Also, you are quite skilled with children of ANY age. Most people have a specialty. Not you. You charm them all!!! WIth you onboard we are SO winning this super hero thing!

  3. Carrie Roberts Redi

    I loved reading this last night. You continue to amaze me and I look forward to reading your brilliant posts. My superhero powers would have to include raising twins, first and foremost and throwing a kick-ass party for adults and children without losing my mind. For either of them.You are a rockin’ superhero friend who makes me laugh, supports me (even when you don’t feel great yourself) and is a fab mother to Z. Can’t wait to read the next blog entry….

    1. joslyne Post author

      Carrie, you have even MORE super powers: you are great at making things wrapped in or around bacon and you are good at laughing at knock-knock jokes. And I totally agree about yur party planning powers — you can plan our Super Hero Shindig!!!!!

  4. Hope2come

    I loved the article, thank you so much for sharing. I think I smiled and giggled through most of it. I think my superpowers must be giving the best finger kisses ever (that’s using my fingers to kiss ouies in places you don’t want to put your lips) my kids love it. I also make some pretty cool noises when I push the two year olds belly buttons in my nursery class, they laugh hysterically. And I am known for my cheesecake. Guess I have some pretty awesome superpowers 🙂

    1. joslyne Post author

      Yesssssssssssssssssssssss! FTW! I was hoping we would get someone who makes cool noises *and* makes awesome cheesecake!!!!!! It will be a sad day for Batman when he comes knocking asking for cheesecake and we have to be all, “Oh, sorry. It’s only for *Specialized* Super Heroes!” Thanks for joining us!!!

  5. joslyne Post author

    Lele, YES! A have a great friend with SOD . . . and she has some amazing super powers. I know you do too! We’d love to hear about them if you want to share . . . 🙂


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