Dumbass Injuries

So, it seems to me that there’s a component of fibromyalgia that’s largely unrecognized by the medical community. I’m here to bring it out into the open. Of course I’m talking about Dumbass Injuries. You know, the injuries that “normal” people don’t seem to get. The ones that we often lie about: “Yeah, I, uh, hurt my shoulder snowboarding over the weekend . . .” or “I was carrying a couch. Up the stairs. By myself.” I have never done either of those things. I haven’t even been asked to help carry a couch in years. But the lies sound WAY better than what actually happened.

No more shame! Here are my most ridiculous, most embarrassing Dumbass Injuries.

1. Peeling an orange. Yes, I once hurt my shoulder and upper back while peeling an orange. To be fair, it was not an easy peel clementine. It was an actual orange. RAWR!!!!!!!

2. Pushing on a bed sheet with my foot. We were staying at a hotel where they apparently take their hospital corners very seriously. I was in the bed and was trying to loosen the restrictive, suffocating sheet by pushing out the corners with my feet. Suddenly my knee popped and WHAM! Torn lateral meniscus. Of course it took me a YEAR to get that diagnosis because every doctor I saw attributed my knee pain to (say it with me!) . . . fibromyalgia!

3. Slipping on a magazine. I mildly re-injured my knee when I slipped on Runner’s World magazine. The magazine was open to an article I was reading about running again after a knee injury. Ironic much?

4. Slipping on ice. “Hey,” you might be thinking. “Normal people do that, too!” True. I, however, slipped on ice that had been tracked inside. I fell on ice in my own kitchen.

5. Choreographing a dance routine to “Let It Go” from Frozen. Zoey and I were doing this graceful, twisty, swirly move meant to imitate falling snow. My back protested. Next time I’m using interpretive dance scarves.

6. Reaching down to pick up a piece of paper off the floor. No kidding. Something popped. Searing pain. Blah blah blah. This was back in the days when I could work. But this put me out of work for several days. I did get some good pain killers though.

7. Tripping up the stairs. If only I had been able to get my hands out in front of me. If only I hadn’t been carrying a large, open container of chicken broth. (Sigh.)

8. Mixing cookie dough. It goes without saying that I powered through the shoulder pain and finished the cookies.

Come on, friends! Don’t leave me hanging! What are some of your Dumbass Injuries?


11 thoughts on “Dumbass Injuries

  1. Laurel

    Love this! Especially the runners world magazine one. I think the stupidest injury I got was pulling my piriformis from stretching in the pose pigeon. First practice ever for hs xc and I tried a new stretch. Next thing I could hardly walk. A month of not being able to run and months of pt all for doing a stupid stretch.

      1. Laurel

        yeah, I’m not very flexible either so it nearly killed me! The weird thing was that I did this AFTER running, so you would’ve thought I was warmed up enough…. apparently not.

    1. joslyne Post author

      Have you also injured yourself while peeling an orange? I’m really hoping someone else out there has done that one . . . πŸ™‚

  2. Dead Men Don't Snore

    I’ve torn muscles in my legs several times just straightening bedcovers with my foot or getting back up in I’m sat on the carpet. Never done more than break a nail or get a sore thumb joint peeling oranges though.

    1. joslyne Post author

      YESSSS!!!!!!! I am not alone in the straightening-the-covers thing!! (gentle fist pump so I don’t hurt myself). Give it time with the oranges, my friend, give it time. πŸ˜‰

  3. Tyffany

    I realize that any sentence that starts, “I was standing on a swivel stool,” is going to end badly, but here goes. I was standing on a tall, breakfast bar type, swivel stool, trying to hang something, when, well, all I can say is tailbone bruises last a really long time.

  4. Anne

    I think the lesson here is always have chocolate or cookies around to power through the initial pain, and therefore, logically, use in liberal amounts to facilitate recovery.


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