I feel like I should be writing an inspiring post — “How I Made It Through The Holidays With Grace, Gratitude, and Giving!” “New Resolutions for a New You!” Or maybe, “Conquering Chronic Illness in 2014!” I did make it through the holidays — but with very little grace, a few moments of gratitude, and some (mediocre) giving. I don’t have my resolutions yet. And I’m rather sick of my chronic illness at the moment.
I’m sick of being tired, and weak, and forgetful. I’m sick of the pain and having to say no. I don’t want to “manage” my energy or my time. I’m so over spending hours (yes, literal hours) every single day on my health — doctor’s appointments, physical therapy exercises, cooking special meals, exercising just the right amount, refilling prescriptions, therapy, pain journals, stretching, meditation, resting. Oh my good god, I am SO sick of resting! I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it. Actually, what I really want is to rest and then feel (wait for it . . .) RESTED. I’m done with the restingrestingresting and STILL feeling tired and in pain.
I’m in the middle of feeling-sorry-myself-ness. The way I see it, there are several possible responses to this:
A. Heavy drinking!
B. Eating an entire bag of chocolate chips!
C. Holing up in bed and reading “Vampire Academy: Shadow Kiss”!
D. A new theme song!
The drinking is out because it will just make things worse. Same with the chocolate chips (and also because we are out of chocolate chips because I finished off the bag yesterday). So, I’m going with options C and D. (Pause for you to completely judge me on option C. However, I double-dog dare you to go write a best selling book about a vampire school. Then have it made into a movie. You do that and then we can talk about how you think the book is horrible etc. etc.)
Back to option D! A new theme song! My last theme song was “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor. (Pause for you to go, “OMG! That’s, like, so cliche!”) Yes, yes, it’s been done. I know. It had a good run — it got me UP and moving for over a year. But it’s lost that certain something — that I-Must-Get-Up-And-Dance-Right-Now-And-Then-Go-Kick-Ass quality. So now I need something to take it’s place. Theme songs must be: danceable, upbeat, and stand the test of time. So far, I’ve got nothing.
Excuse me while I go read “Vampire Academy” under many, many blankets. For today, that totally counts as “managing” my health.
Do you have a theme song I can steal? Do have a song to recommend? I could use a little help.