How to be a Disney Princess or a Victoria’s Secret Model

Dear Disney,

*sigh* You may remember that my history with princesses isn’t the best. However, with the help of a friend (Hi Courtney!) I had managed to overcome some of my issues and progress to a point where I bought my daughter a princess figurine for Easter. Without vomiting. In fact, it’s possible I had almost as much fun as my daughter changing Tiana’s clothes and picking out tiaras. But then you had to go mess with Merida from Brave. You had to “update” her. You gave her cleavage, bare shoulders, “better” hair, make-up , and gave her the same face as every other princess. Plus, you took away her bow and arrow and replaced it with a hip-slung belt. WTF?

Then I thought I’d do a funny blog post about how princesses are like Victoria’s Secret models. It was funny for about two minutes. Do you know why? Because your princesses ARE like underwear models. UNDERWEAR MODELS. Does this strike you as odd? It should. These princesses–yes, the ones that my five year-old girl emulates–have more in common with an airbrushed lingerie model than an actual girl. Because, let’s be honest, the original princesses all started out as girls in their mid-late teens. Now, thanks to you, they all look like women about to start careers as prostitutes. Do they have to be so sexy, skinny, and (mostly) white? Do they all have to wear eyeliner?

Come on, Disney. Throw us a bone. We’re trying to raise smart, confident, kind girls. And you are making the job a lot harder. Fix it. Please.


Zozo’s Mom

One can be a Disney Princess or a Victoria’s Secret model by adhering to the same seven rules.

1. Look innocent . . .

image from

Or look sexy . . .

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2. Show off your boobs and/or bare shoulders.

Princesses . . .

all princesses

image from

and every Victoria’s Secret model ever.

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3. Have long-ass, flowing hair that blows delicately across your face in a gentle breeze. Even when you’re inside.

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4. Perfect a “come hither” look.

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5. Do weird and unnatural things with your arms.

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image from

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6. Have a concave waist.

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7. Always have your mouth slightly open in a not-quite smile.

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If you haven’t signed it yet, please sign the petition from A Mighty Girl to keep Merida (from Brave) from looking like a VS model. A few days ago, Disney reverted to the original Merida (Yay!) on their princess site. But there’s no guarantees they’ll keep it that way unless they get a lot more signatures.

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all images from or unless otherwise noted


10 thoughts on “How to be a Disney Princess or a Victoria’s Secret Model

  1. Alicia King (@thegrieflady)

    Love the photo comparisons. Well, love isn’t exactly the word, but you get the idea. When my daughter was growing up (she’s 32 days from 20 now), I was the mean mom who banned Barbie. That’s right- I didn’t allow my little girl to have Barbies! Somehow she managed to grow up to be a pretty damn wonderful person who can go to class without makeup if necessary. Amazing!

    You’re a fantastic mom. I’ll tell Zoey this on a regular basis as she grows up. Especially when she hits her teens.

  2. Here Now Brown Cow

    It’s ridiculous, how grown up they’re trying to make our babies! We have a no-Barbie policy too, and I always discuss how ridiculous Barbie’s body shape is with my daughters. And no “sexy” style princess clothing either. Let them be children!

    1. joslyne Post author

      Ugh! I know! The sexy princess (and Barbie) clothing kills me. Why are they marketing that stuff to four year old?!?! So wrong.

      Thanks for stopping by!

  3. Abby

    I am 16 and I grew up with both Barbies and Disney princesses. I don’t think I’m worse for it. Quite honestly I think that it’s much better to look up to Disney princesses for their character traits than, say, Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes, whom I also admired as a young(er) girl. At least the princesses couldn’t spiral out of control. They remain wholesome, kind women in the face of adversity, which I find admirable.

    1. joslyne Post author

      Hi Abby. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. You make some excellent points. For me, however, it’s not just the personality characteristics of the princesses themselves, it’s how Disney chooses to portray them: impossibly skinny bodies, long, straight hair, big eyes, etc. I also don’t like how many of the princess give up parts of themselves for men (Ariel gives up her voice. *Her Voice*!!!!!) and are rescued by men with the grand prize then being marriage. I’m also not happy with how most of the princess are either white or can “pass” for white. My 5 year old thinks she has to have “blond” skin to be a princess . . . The princesses just aren’t what I want my daughter to look up to. And, for the record, I grew up with princesses and Barbies too and I’m still standing . . . 🙂


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