Lies I Tell My Daughter

“Those aren’t onions–they’re small pieces of potato.”

“I didn’t put any pepper or garlic in yours.”

“The president of Netflicks emailed me and said we’re not allowed to watch any more Dora’s.”

“Santa doesn’t recommend Barbie’s for kids under five.”

“I have no idea where your lollipop is.”

“Daddy was a pirate before we got married. See my ring? He found it in a treasure chest.”

“I would never throw out any of your art work.”

“Daddy must have accidentally put your drawing in the trash.”

“That’s a music truck. I don’t know anything about it having ice cream.”

“Daddy and I can communicate telepathically. Let me ask him if you can use his cordless drill. Um . . . nope. Sorry. He said no.”

“Five minutes are up.”

“Kids aren’t allowed to drink soda.”

“I Skype with Santa four times a year. He relies heavily on my reports when deciding what gift you will get.”

“Wow! Look at that! It’s bedtime!”


What lies do you tell your children?

Z and her china doll who wanted to come to the symphony with us. Sadly, the doll couldn't come as they confiscate all dolls at the symphony. :(

Z and her china doll who wanted to come to the symphony with us. Sadly, the doll couldn’t come as they confiscate all dolls at the symphony. 😦


10 thoughts on “Lies I Tell My Daughter

  1. Carrie

    You are so very funny. I NEVER lie to my kids….
    Here is one I wish I had told them:
    The ice cream truck plays music when it is all out of ice cream…

    1. joslyne Post author

      Hmmmm . . . so you don’t lie to your kids. I don’t know if we can be friends anymore. 😉

  2. Niki

    The pirate one is the best. I just keep picturing Demetri with an eyepatch and giggling. I can’t remember any good lies that I tell my kids (even though I lie to them constantly), but a popular one right now plays off the fact that Peter (who usually won’t eat meat) is currently obsessed with Sloppy Joes. Suddenly, he will eat anything if we tell him it’s some sort of Sloppy Joe. Taco meat is Mexican Sloppy Joe, spaghetti sauce with meat in it is Italian Sloppy Joe, etc. Otherwise, my memory fails me. That’s why you’re the writer and I’m the one who sews!

    1. joslyne Post author

      I’m not sure the sloppy joe thing counts as a lie. I mean, there’s a good amount of truth in it. It’s brilliance!

  3. Kate

    Those are awesome-I am going to borrow a few.
    I am too tired to recall the many “creative explanations” I have used since Caroline only let me sleep 3 hours total last night but I definitely do this all the time!

  4. Lesley

    How about..I’ll be out of the tub in a minute. You got your stubbornness from your dad…if you leave water running all the fish will die…your hamster wanted to live in the woods with all the other wild hamsters…maybe next year you’ll be responsible enough for a BB gun/babysitting your brothers/staying home alone. And my favorite…see that police officer over there? He may come over here and give you a ticket if you don’t stop (fill in blank). Of course my kids are a little older and mostly boys but feel free to give these a try.

    1. joslyne Post author

      Wow. Lesley, you are THE MASTER. I am totally using all of these. I love the one about the hamster . . .


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