Zoey is in the living room having her 4th full-on tantrum of the day. I’m hiding in the playroom with my laptop. Also, it’s 97 degrees out and we don’t have air conditioning. Which is beside the point. But I’m pretty sure I have some time to kill before the current tantrum dies down, so I thought I’d invent a Tantrum Rating Scale. You know, just off the top of my head. It’s totally scientific. All elements will be rated on a scale of 1 – 10. One being eh, no big deal. And ten being I’m turning in my mommy card, I’M SO DONE!
Zoey’s first tantrum took place at Stop and Shop. She got the cart she wanted and as she was running around me to get into said cart, I stopped her. I stopped her because I’m mean and felt like getting in her way. In other words, I saved her young and promising life from getting run over by an elderly man in a motorized cart. The guy had his eyes closed. Seriously. That tantrum lasted approximately 10 minutes. Also, it was public. Very, very public.
Location: 9 – Due to the fact that it was public and that it was Senior Day so there were extra gawkers
Duration: 6 – Could have been worse.
(Ir)Rationality: 8 – I’m, like, so sorry I saved your life!
Intensity: 3 – There was no laying on the floor or puking. Yay.
Total Score: 26
Zoey’s second tantrum of the day had something to do with toilet paper. I’m not really sure what. It occurred in the bathroom. That’s all I know.
Location: 2 – We’ve got cushy rugs in there so it’s all good.
Duration: 2 – five minutes is nothing. NOTHING.
(Ir) Rationality: 10 – It involved toilet paper, an INANIMATE OBJECT, how bad could its offense be?
Intensity: 6 – For a full-body lay-out complete with kicking and fist pounding.
Total Score: 20
The third tantrum of the day occurred because I asked Zoey to take her shoes off. She replied, “I’m not gonna do it, YOU do it!” But she said it so meanly that she literally spat. I refused because 1) she can take off her own shoes – they’re velcro for god’s sake, and 2) the mean-spitty voice shall NEVER EVER WIN. And also secret reason 3) I hate it when she demands that I do stuff like it’s my job and she’s my boss. Kid, I am so not getting paid for this.
Location: 7 – it covered 3 rooms of the house, including the always-dangerous stairs
Duration: 10 – 41 minutes. FORTY. ONE. Yeah.
(Ir)Rationality: frickin’ 10 – Just take off your shoes already. COME ON.
Intensity: 8 – For full-body lay out, kicking, throwing things, and almost puking
Total Score: 35
The fourth tantrum of the day is still going on so I’ll have to report back with it’s total score. It’s not looking good though. She is tantruming because she purposely threw her own granola bar on the floor (via my head) and now “it’s dirty.” When it all settles down I’m totally not giving her a new granola bar. I’m just going to go in the kitchen, bang the trash can lid, and pretend to give her a new one. I’m an EVIL GENIUS like that.