>I’m an Adult! And I Have the Wallet to Prove it!


For Mother’s Day Demetri gave me a wallet. An actual, real, live, adult wallet. It has all these sperate compartments for . . . stuff. Like cash. And credit cards. And all the other important cards I might want to carry. Like, the Lenny’s Sub Shop sandwich card (buy 5 and get one free!) and the business card of my former (like 5 years ago) therapist. I don’t see her and I don’t talk to her but it somehow makes me feel better to carry around her card and stare at her name every once in a while when things get really tough. Plus, it’s purple. The wallet, not my therapist. The thing that is most adult about the wallet is the comparent for change — it doesn’t zip shut, it clasps. You know, like an old lady purse. Every time I clasp it or unclasp it I feel very mature. Very in control. Very Hey look at me and my new adult wallet with a snappy clasp thingy!

But enough about that. My favorite thing about the wallet is the coupons it came with. That’s right, my delightfully charming, kind husband with a hot ass made me home made coupons. And one of them entitles me to WIN AN ARGUMENT. Not that I generally need help with this. But, man oh man, do I have big plans for this coupon. True, I can only redeem it once and it has a rapidly approaching expiration date, but imagine the possibilities (especially with our upcoming move):
Scenario 1:
Demetri: Oh! I really want to live in ______ town.
Me: I don’t.
Demetri: Well, I do!
Me: WELL TOO BAD MISTER! (waaa-tsshhhhh!!!*) Say so long to that little dream!
Scenario 2:
Demetri: I think we should have another baby.
Me: No way.
Demetri: Yeah, it’ll be so fun!
Me: WELL TOO BAD Picasso! (waaa-tsshhhhh!!!*) Did I mention that you have a very special doctor’s appointment next Monday?
Scenario 3:
Demetri: Hm. I think I’ll buy these peg leg jeans.
Me: But why?
Demetri: Because I’ll look good in them.
Me: No you won’t.**
Demetri: Yes I will.
Me: WELL TOO BAD BUCKAROO. (waaa-tsshhhhh!!!*) Tim Gunn wants me to tell you you can’t make it work.
Ah yes! I can rule the world! Bwhahahaha! I am now taking suggestions for coupon use.
* This is the sound of me ‘whipping’ out the coupon. You know, in case you didn’t get it.
** Because NO ONE does.

3 thoughts on “>I’m an Adult! And I Have the Wallet to Prove it!

  1. The Meek Family

    >Use the coupon for the housing choices. You could use the peg leg jeans as ammunition later when you are having another argument (for example…let's say next year he wants to buy some other fashionably questionable ensemble…you can say "remember when you bought those peg leg jeans and looked like a 30 something year old trying to be a teenager…yes, this is the moment you want to listen to your wife, again"

  2. Niki

    >Good lord! Those ARE fast-approaching expiration dates. I think he’s hoping you won’t have an opportunity to use them before then. Here’s the thing — there’s no small print indicating that copies of coupons will not be accepted. So, hightail it over to your nearest Kinko’s and get you some copies!!! Then you won’t have to pick and choose when to use the coupon. You will have more than enough to get you through the next few tough months.


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