Last night I did something one should never do. Never. Ever. I went on WebMD and used the ‘symptom checker’. Apparently I have appendicitis, cancer, or an intestinal blockage. Awesome. Demetri made a go of being sincere and supportive. But he broke down during dinner and couldn’t seem to stop giggling. Or smirking. At ME. I asked him if my stomach seemed swollen. He promptly answered, “No. No, no.” And he shook his head for emphasis. Now, it’s true, I have been working with my kind husband on The Quick Response. For example, when I ask Do you love me? it’s best for all concerned if he answers without a lengthy pause. In fact, it should go something like this: “Do you love m-” “YES! Yes I do! I LOOOOOOOVEEEE YOU!” And then he throws himself into my arms and allows me to pat his perfect butt. So, in theory, his answer about my swollen stomach was good. At least in terms of timing. But here’s the problem: I was seated at a table and I was wearing a ginormous fleece and a bathrobe. So there’s no way in hell he could see my stomach.