>1. Apparently, when you brag it comes back to bite you in the boomboom. The same day. Yeah. Remember the last post in which I was all, “I can make soup! Yummy soup! I have a culinary calling! Blah blah blah”? Well, that very night I attempted to make ‘butternut squash lentil bisque’. It looked like orangish-brown diarrhea with undigested lentils. Which is maybe what a ‘bisque’ is supposed to look like. But somehow I doubt it. And as far as taste goes . . . well, Demetri couldn’t even look me in the eye when he mumbled something like, “It’skindaokmaybeifyouplugyournoseanddon’tputitinyourmouth. . . YUMMY!”
2. Apparently, when you try and be a fun mom it comes back and bites you in the butonka. Yes, I thought I’d be all fun and break out the finger paints this afternoon. Yes, well. We moved from picture A to picture B in about 45 seconds. And all because someone wasn’t given control of the paint bottles. Some of us never recovered. Including the cat who walked across Zoey’s painting while she was tantruming and now has two blue paws.
3. Apparently, when you vent to your husband about your inability to be a fun mom it comes back to bite you in the bobo. After the finger painting, I put Zoey in a nice warm bath. I sat on the floor of the bathroom and video chatted (aka ‘video complained’) with Demetri about the finger paint FAIL. Zoey then pooped in the tub. While she was out of the tub and I was fishing out the poop, Zoey peed on the tile. And then slipped in it.
4. Apparently, when your child slips in pee on the the bathroom floor and you wipe it up with a wash cloth it will come back to bite you in the . . . face. Yes, that’s right. I used the same washcloth (on accident) to wipe my face. See, Zoey had emptied the drawer with all the wash clothes before the bath so there were, like, 20 wash clothes strewn everywhere. What are the odds that a) I would pick up the same wash cloth and b) I would pick it up by the one corner that wasn’t wet? I should start playing powerball.