>Zoey’s preferred state is, to use the technical term, nudie-butt-ness. Yes, she prefers to dash around al fresco. She likes to go starkers. She often wears a well placed accessory, like a bow in her hair or a pair of Demetri’s shoes, to accentuate the nakedness. But who doesn’t like accessories? And she was happy to keep her diaper on (hallelujah!). I don’t think she really understood that the diaper, too, was an ‘accessory’* and could be removed at will.
Until 3 days ago. 3 days ago I made a tactical error and brought home a training potty. In my defense, Zoey was showing many of the ‘potty training readiness cues’. An interest in other people’s/animals bodily functions?** Check! Informing a parent when she peeed or pooped? Check! Ability to take her clothes off? Eh . . . sometimes. Shirts with a small head hole present a problem due to the additional circumference of Zoey’s hair. So I brought home a pink and green froggy potty. Zoey’s life now consists of 3 things: 1. ‘Sitting’*** on the frog potty totally naked 2. Running from us in a vain attempt to remain totally naked 3. Protesting not being naked via whining, tantruming, scratching, biting, kicking, screaming, pouting, etc. etc. In turn, my life now consist of 4 things: 1. Chanting “Pee-pee-poo-poo-potty-potty”**** to cheer on Zoey in her bathroom endeavors. 2. Chasing Zoey around with clothes 3. Getting the crap beat out of me while I dress her 4. Feeling surprisingly unfulfilled by the previous three activities.
So, Zoey has peed on her potty exactly once. She has pooped on it never. But today is day 4. Anything could happen. Anything. In fact, she is sitting on her potty right now. She is drinking orange juice, looking at a book about baby animals, and making potty sounds with her mouth: “SSssssssssss. Ut. Ut. Pssssssssss.”***** Anything could happen. Maybe she’ll want to put on clothes today. Maybe she won’t claw out my eyes, maybe she’ll avoid the jugular. Maybe the diaper will come back into fashion, like bell bottoms or clogs. But my fear is that the trendiness of the diaper has gone the way of the banana clip. Gone baby gone. But diapers held on with duct tape? They never go out of style.
* Or, to use another term, The-thin-layer-of-cloth-protecting-the-world-from-extreme-stench-and-defilement
** Gilmore may never be the same. He has taken to running away so he can pee without being closely watched and cheered on.
*** Really, she kind of sits-stands-sits-stands in rapid succession so she can check if anything has come out yet.
**** Thanks to Melissa for the potty song. Although I do think of her as a co-blamee as she was with me when I bought the potty.
***** She TOTALLY got this from her DAD, not from me.