Dear Mr. Bardwell,
Thank you so much for refusing to marry an interracial couple. Again. I wish more people had your courage, insight, and total disregard for the U.S. Constitution*. I hope you are also preventing women from voting in your district. You, Mr. Bardwell, are my hero.
It is so clear to me that you are in no way a racist. As you say, you have “piles and piles” of black friends. Golly! You let them into your house! How generous! You even let them use your bathroom! You must be their most favorite friend! Can you imagine if you also let your black friends eat off your plates?? And use your silverware? I know, I know, the world just isn’t ready for that yet. You are a pioneer, my friend, a true pioneer!
You say that you refuse to marry interracial couples to protect the yet-to-be-born interracial children from “suffering”. Interracial marriages don’t last long and the children from these marriages are never “accepted” by, well, anyone. Except maybe Satan. You have even done thorough research to prove the above facts. How you have the time time to do such research, what with all hanging out with your black friends and refusing to marry people, is amazing to me! And to think that some people dare to question your research methods. People today just make me sick. After all, you did talk to both blacks and whites about the issue. Plus, you took time out of your busy schedule to witness some interracial marriages. And, as we all know, attending the wedding of a couple you don’t know offers great insight into how long that marriage will last. It heartens me to know that you are out there in the world protecting the sanctity of marriage and the innocence of our children. Can you imagine if people had children without being married or if a married couple didn’t want children?! Thank goodness we don’t live in a world like that!
Mr. Blackwell, you are a truly inspiring individual. Here are some other causes you might want to considering working on:
The Myth of The Gays: They Don’t Really Exist
Global Warming: It’s a Lie!
Obama is Bad: Socialist, Illegal Alien, and of Mixed Race (!)
Middle Easterners: They’re all Terrorists!
Yours Most Sincerely,
* My super smarty-pants lawyer friend, Niki, tells me that it’s really the Supreme Court’s interpretation of the Constitution. But writing all that didn’t sound as good. So, just know that I know (because Niki knows) where it’s all coming from.