Yesterday I did something I swore I would never ever do. I did something that goes against every molecule of my being. Worst of all, I did something I have mercilessly mocked others for doing (Hi Niki!). I went to Chuck E. Cheese. I ate the food. I played the games. I crushed everyone (Niki and a bunch of 3 year olds) in Skee Ball. And . . . it was all my idea.
It all started at Walmart. Niki and I were attempting to shop for Halloween costumes for Zoey and Charlotte. (Zoey’s includes a pink tutu. Seriously.) In a moment that may never be equaled in superiority and joyousness, Zoey pointed to the figure on the left and repeatedly yelled out, “Dada! Dada! Dada!”
Soon after, the girls made a joint decision and very ‘diplomatically’ (with the usual screaming, thrashing, and whining) declared, “We shall no longer be held captive in these rolling wire cages!! We shall roam free — in spirit and in body! We shall triumph over your iron fisted rule!” And like idiots, Niki and I let the girls out of the carts. They took off. And ran right into the bra section. They perused the padded bras like pros. Niki and I were frightened. Very very frightened.
The girls were then forced to push our carts up to the check-out. Being the exemplary mothers that we are, we debated the merits of filling the carts with bottled water or, say, cinderblocks before making the girls push them. Exercise is good, people! But in the end Niki and I were too lazy to follow through with this genius plan. Well, I was too lazy. Niki is 8 months pregnant . . .
While waiting to check-out, Zoey and Charlotte pulled things off shelves, ran into each other, and generally wreaked havoc. Then, I heard myself say: “Huh. I wonder where we could take them to run around. . . ” I ignored Niki’s suggestion of “the park” and took the plunge into madness, “How about Chuck E. Cheese?” Niki was stunned into silence.
15 minutes later we had been stamped, admitted past the red plastic ropes, and were ordering overpriced pizza. Then . . . TODDLERS GONE WILD.* Zoey literally ran in circles, not sure what she wanted to see first. Zoey rode a caterpillar. She rode a fire truck. Both of them rode on the merry go round (Zoey stared at her self in the mirror the whole time). They whacked gophers. They punched over ducks (Niki was oddly competitive at this game. I. AM. PUNCHING. IT. WHY WON’T THEY FALL OVER? I am sooo playing again! Just sayin’). We all ate pizza.
And then, oh then! The gimormous Chuck E. Cheese figure went On Air. He sang. He danced. Zoey and Charlotte were in the front row screaming, shaking their booties, and generally worshiping Chuck. If they had bras, they would have thrown them.* It was the finest moment of their little lives. Clearly, we need to get them out more.