I deserve a medal! A badge! A gold star! But why?, you ask. (Or maybe you’re saying, What?! Again?!) Well, I’ll tell you. But try not to be too jealous of my supreme parenting skills. Are you ready? I, all by myself, got Zoey into her high chair. (pause for appreciative applause).
Over the weekend Zoey decided to practice her protesting skills and boycott the high chair. At meal times she arched her back, flailed her limbs, or, alternately, went totally limp rendering it impossible to strap her in the chair. Like so:
Oh. And did I mention the sound? She screams: EEEEEEEeeeeeeOOOOOOOHhhhhhhAAAAHHHHUUUUUUHhhhhhhhhEEEEEEeeeeeEEEEE!. If she was on idol she would be described as “a little pitchy.”
Anyway. Over the weekend, Demetri and I struggled to get her into her high chair for 10 minutes. We, the 2 adults that each outweigh her by at least 100 pounds and each hold a master’s degree, tried everything: tickling, reasoning, bribing, singing. And we tried force. Zoey ate several meals off the floor. Like a dog. We are so proud. But today? Today I AM VICTORIOUS! Zoey sat in her the high chair. Oh yes. Yes, she did. While I was taking a victory lap around the kitchen island, she sat in that chair and pushed all her food off onto the floor. But still: BUTT WAS IN THE CHAIR people!
And I must say, I’m rather struck by the idea that I could earn a badge for this accomplishment. Niki and I have tossed the idea around before. I am ready to make it happen. I would get one for getting Zoey in the high chair (of course) and it goes without saying that I deserve one for combing through her hair:
There could be one for a successful poonami change:
Another for surviving a biting:
And surviving breast feeding (good vibes to you EM):
Heck, there could even be badges that we’re forced to wear for our failures. Like, oh, say almost letting your child (or grandchild) get swept out to sea:
But then of course I would have to add the following to my collection:
We could all wear sashes like the Girl Scouts! We could openly commiserate over our failings and celebrate our victories! While eating cookies (you know, just to go with the Girl Scout thing)! We would know that no one is perfect and that we are not alone. We would see that we’re all just doing the best we can. But really, we should need only one badge for that: