>Badge Me!


I deserve a medal! A badge! A gold star! But why?, you ask. (Or maybe you’re saying, What?! Again?!) Well, I’ll tell you. But try not to be too jealous of my supreme parenting skills. Are you ready? I, all by myself, got Zoey into her high chair. (pause for appreciative applause).

Over the weekend Zoey decided to practice her protesting skills and boycott the high chair. At meal times she arched her back, flailed her limbs, or, alternately, went totally limp rendering it impossible to strap her in the chair. Like so:

Oh. And did I mention the sound? She screams: EEEEEEEeeeeeeOOOOOOOHhhhhhhAAAAHHHHUUUUUUHhhhhhhhhEEEEEEeeeeeEEEEE!. If she was on idol she would be described as “a little pitchy.”
Anyway. Over the weekend, Demetri and I struggled to get her into her high chair for 10 minutes. We, the 2 adults that each outweigh her by at least 100 pounds and each hold a master’s degree, tried everything: tickling, reasoning, bribing, singing. And we tried force. Zoey ate several meals off the floor. Like a dog. We are so proud. But today? Today I AM VICTORIOUS! Zoey sat in her the high chair. Oh yes. Yes, she did. While I was taking a victory lap around the kitchen island, she sat in that chair and pushed all her food off onto the floor. But still: BUTT WAS IN THE CHAIR people!
And I must say, I’m rather struck by the idea that I could earn a badge for this accomplishment. Niki and I have tossed the idea around before. I am ready to make it happen. I would get one for getting Zoey in the high chair (of course) and it goes without saying that I deserve one for combing through her hair:

There could be one for a successful poonami change:

Another for surviving a biting:
And surviving breast feeding (good vibes to you EM):
Heck, there could even be badges that we’re forced to wear for our failures. Like, oh, say almost letting your child (or grandchild) get swept out to sea:
But then of course I would have to add the following to my collection:

We could all wear sashes like the Girl Scouts! We could openly commiserate over our failings and celebrate our victories! While eating cookies (you know, just to go with the Girl Scout thing)! We would know that no one is perfect and that we are not alone. We would see that we’re all just doing the best we can. But really, we should need only one badge for that:


10 thoughts on “>Badge Me!

  1. Laura

    >I love the badge idea! Can I have one for "breastfed twins for one year" and "pulling a double-stroller while pushing a shopping cart"? The first may seem impressive, but the latter takes SKILL!

  2. Niki

    >Don't forget a pigtails badge, an airplane flight alone with a toddler badge, a successfully snuck out of a restaurant after your toddler totally trashed it badge, toothbrushing badge, and the one we earned this week – the survived a photo shoot with a toddler at the J.C. Penny Photo Studio badge! That last one should be made out of gold.

  3. Lauren

    >Can I get one for flying with three kids alone to Ireland (the oldest had a panic attack and threw up most of the way there – including through security and customs)? The youngest one is 13 months.

  4. adjustmentdisorder

    >This is SO AWESOME. I can't even tell you how much I love your badges. Josh and I were laughing out loud, and Josh says he wants a "Poonami Survivor" badge. He also says if you were to sell them on ETSY he would buy one. That's a big deal coming from my cheap-skate husband. You ROCK.


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