I’m sorry I bit you yesterday. I blame my mom.
It was my mom’s idea to watch Bring It On: All Or Nothing during the play date. The music was kinda good but all those cheerleaders just made me feel bad about myself. I mean, my belly is way too big to make the cheer leading squad. And my thighs? Don’t even get me started. Also, we both currently seem to lack an appropriate level of coordination for cheer leading. I know that you can do a cheer kick in the air, but when I tried, I fell on the giraffe train and was utterly humiliated. It would be nice if my mom actually picked up a parenting book. Maybe then she would present me with respectable roll models and attainable goals. Being dressed in a tutu, beads, and a flower headband did not help my already fragile self-esteem. I’m just never going to be Brittney — why can’t she understand that?
I also found it stressful that our moms were eating chocolate chips out of a bowl by the handful and only gave us each 4. If they can eat their feelings, why can’t we? When we asked for more, I did not find it amusing that my mom answered with, “This is not a cheerocracy. No more chocolate for you!”. And remember when we accidentally collided and fell on our butts? I was similarly not amused by both our moms doing spirit fingers to cheer us up. Let’s hope we don’t get their sense of humor. Our dads are much more amusing.
All of this is to say that I was angry about a lot of things before I bit you. When you wanted me to share the stuffed cow with you I just couldn’t take it and I snapped. I really should have bit my mom. I’m sorry I left teeth marks on your arm. I hope you will still be my friend. And I hope you too will blame my mom for my bad behavior.