>Hi Honey, I’m Home!

>When I ask family or friends how their day was, I usually get fairly interesting answers. Stuff like: “I was voted best teacher of the year!”, “I was interviewed by the Chanel 5 news!”, or “I was called into my bosses office and given a raise for inventing the cure for cancer.” Even if their stuff isn’t super interesting, it’s at least validating; they did something with their day.

When I get asked about my day, my response is usually along the lines of: “Um…well, Zoey finally pooped after three days and there was a whole Cheerio in it and um . . . you know that piece to the garlic press we thought we lost? I found it in the back of the dishwasher and… Oh! I found vanilla scented trash bags at the grocery store!” On a very good day I’ll have an actual story: “A 3 year-old boy peed on the puppets at the library!” or “I saw Scott Hamilton at exercise class!” If I’m not talking to a very very good friend or another mom, I lose them at the mention on poop. But I’m sorry, if you can’t handle a conversation about poop you just can’t be a big part of my life right now.

This is some of what I did yesterday:
1. Changed diapers
2. Gave Zoey a bath
3. Fed Zoey breakfast
4. Ate my own breakfast
5. Dressed Zoey
6. Did 2 loads of laundry
7. Sang songs with Zoey
8. Played chasey-chase with Zoey
9. Played peek-a-boo

I am revising the list to:
1. Maintained appropriate hygiene levels and contained hazardous smells
2. Helped an emotionally unstable individual prone to violence overcome her aquaphobia
3. Provided daily sustenance and nutrition to sustain human life
4. Modeled healthy eating habits and self-sufficiency
5. Coordinated appropriate attire (factoring in atmospheric conditions)
6. Oversaw the maintenance and usability of 3 wardrobes
7. Taught English to an age-challenged individual without having a language in common
8. Engaged in creative and therapeutic play
9. Demonstrated and instilled object constancy
Yet, somehow, when I’m asked about my day, I will probably still begin my answer with a story about poop.

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6 thoughts on “>Hi Honey, I’m Home!

  1. Leslie Moore

    >I like the first list better. It’s direct, unadorned, and descriptive! If poop is the topic of your day (or days!), then you’ve got to talk about poop! Don’t even apologize.

    Reply
  2. Joslyne

    >But the second list is so much more accomplished (sounding)….. and OH CRAP! (heh heh) I thought poop discussions might end around age two….another dream down the toilet (heh heh again)

    Reply
  3. Damon

    >Oh, don’t dump the second list, it is flushed with accomplished sounding crap. Who says it can’t be polished? Your humor oozes out of your writing, though I imagine there are times where the posts may stall and you feel like you have to squeeze out another one. But worry not, when everyone is older and after you are busy dropping the kids off at the pool, you can sit around on a bar stool watching the rain droppings at your window and know that all these poop issues are no longer the top thing (on the list they will be number two).

    Reply
  4. Niki

    >Count your blessings that you were able to leave anything regarding “spit-up” off the list. I swear – poop is almost easier to handle! I like Damon’s musings. He seems like the kind of guy you can share a can of beer with. Okay, I can’t think of any more. I’m pooped out.

    Reply
  5. Dandelion Dreaming

    >Im responding a month and a half late (Im getting caught up), but thats a brilliant photo! And great job on modifying your resume. The first one works well in my book, too, though…

    Reply

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